Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
