We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
