Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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