You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
