I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
try to milk me bitch
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
