So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
