my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
