Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think my vagina is haunted
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
