my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
