need another drink. this is the easiest way
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
