I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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