I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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