thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
