every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize