Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
