She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
what day is it and did you see me today?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
