Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize