found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
