As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
