You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Randomize
