At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
