Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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