fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just want nice things and good sex
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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