he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
