I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
