It was confusing and full of hummus
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
