I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
