the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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