Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
