Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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