discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When are your genitals available?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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