she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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