I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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