Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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