so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
