I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
