I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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