I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
