no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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