I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
