just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize