i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
