last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
