She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
