I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
