i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
