I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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