The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need to sanitize my soul.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize