fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
