I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
