I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
