We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize