My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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