he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
