Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
