you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
