dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
