Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize