All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
