i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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