i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
