She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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