Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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