Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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