Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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