If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Houston, we have a blender
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
