I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
