Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
