i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
