can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So I just went to clothing optional bar
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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