Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish i was in the wii world.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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