I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
