he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize