dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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