Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
