the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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