this beer tastes like vomit already
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I said "one day" and that day is not today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
