Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
