The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Are we still banned from the library?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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