if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize