Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
