For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
