Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
