If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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