so let's talk penis.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
