I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
