I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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