oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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