he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
