This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
