Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
