Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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