the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
