I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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