We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
