And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
