there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
