A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
