it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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