He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
