I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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