Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
