it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
