Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
